Poem of the Week - Jim Haynes

I’m sick and tired of being last in everything I do,
Sick of standing at the end of every flamin’ queue.
For every time a list is made, compiled by each recorder,
It’s always flamin’ rostered in alphabetical order.
My name begins with ‘W’, so when a list is read,
The only ones behind me are ‘X’ and ‘Y’ and ‘Z’.
Us poor coots are always last when we are itemised,
Just because we’re ‘W’s we’re being victimised.

Think of all that standing ’round waiting for our turn,
While ‘A B C’ and ‘D E F’ are off with time to burn.
Imagine back when time began if Adam had been Zane,
And the Apple a Zucchini — Eve still would wait in vain.
When Noah called the animals to board the Ark I bet
He used that age-old system, he used the Alphabet.
First he called the Aardvark, ‘Would you step up the ramp?’
Meanwhile Willy Wombat was getting rather damp.

And if you’re feeling sorry for the Wombat and the Yak.
Spare a thought for poor old Zebra, he’d be last, way out the back.
When God was handing brains out he started off with ‘A’,
He called, ‘Aristotle, Archimedes, you get first choice today.’
Finishing the ‘A’s off God gave Music to the ‘B’s’,
He called, ‘Bach, Brahms, Beethoven, move up quickly please.’
By the time he got to ‘W’ the shelf was getting bare,
All he had was reject stock, there wasn’t much to spare.

Good looks were at a premium, intellect bereft.
Us ‘W’s got all the bits the other blokes had left.
I reckon when my time is up and the final dice is cast,
I’ll change my name to Aaron, then I won’t be last.
I can hear St Peter saying in a saintly voice so nice,
‘Please form a queue and wait awhile to enter Paradise.
I’ve changed the age old system, got a brand new one instead,
You can walk right through the Pearly Gate if your name begins with “Z”!’

He’s RIGHT! All you ‘end of alphabet people must spend a big % of your life waiting around! Nevr noticed really, ‘cos I’m kinda in the middle.